Unsettling Peace?

A strange peace has come over me. It is soothing yet unsettling at the same time. Rob has shared with me that he knows his battle with leukemia will be tough. He really thinks that he will fight this for about 10 years. This was very hard to hear then, the strange peace came. A knowledge that me and the kids would be fine. I am not so sure it will be 10 years. I hope we have that long and even longer but, in my heart, I am afraid it won't be.

I have never cried at a wedding before. Yesterday, I cried at a wedding of people I don't really know. Rob was performing the wedding and having the couple repeat the vows. Usually, it just brings a smile to my face as I remember saying those words to him. Yesterday, it hurt. The thought that it really is for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. It's the death part that seems so real now. The one I dreamed of spending the rest of my life with seems to be leaving early and leaving without me.

I hope that God is just testing me to see if I trust him. I hope that I show Him that I do and my blessing will be more time with the love of my life.